My Experience at The Haven Retreat

Last week I had the incredible opportunity to attend The Haven Retreat, which is put on by The Younique Foundation. It’s specifically for adult women who have experienced childhood sexual abuse.  I want to start off by saying that The Younique Foundation did not in any way shape or form ask me to write about my experience and this is not any sort of advertisement for them. I’m choosing to share my experience because The Haven Retreat was such a blessing in my life and I am so grateful that someone reached out to me to tell me about it.

Not long after sharing my first blog post, someone messaged me about this retreat. I was able to attend last week and all I can say is THANK YOU. Thank you, Marisa, for going out of your way to make sure I knew. It has truly put me on a more direct path to healing which I have so desperately been needing. These retreats are made possible by the Younique Foundation which is partially funded by Younique Products. Marisa, knew about this retreat because she is a Younique presenter (aka sells Younique makeup). I’d like to follow in her footsteps and potentially bless your life like she did mine by sharing the same link. How could I not?

If you were 18 or younger when you experienced sexual abuse, I invite you to take a look at The Haven Retreat website. It answered a lot of my questions and I was also very impressed with how sensitive and professional they are about something so traumatic. Childhood abuse is definitely not an easy thing to talk about but I very much appreciated their candor and willingness to not only admit it’s a thing, but to also provide a retreat to help victims find the healing and the peace they have craved for far too long.

Why did I decide to apply?

My marriage is great and I have the most supportive husband in the world, but living with the trauma from my past has definitely been taking a toll on my marriage. That is so so hard to admit. But if I don’t want that to be the case anymore, I have to take action. I don’t want my past to control my present or my future anymore. I want to leave that (insert nasty word here) back in the dust wear he belongs. I don’t want him to control my life anymore. He doesn’t deserve it. He never deserved it. But to do that, I knew I needed all the help I could get. It’s taken me 5 years to recognize that this is not going away on it’s own.

That’s why I was so excited when my friend messaged me about the retreat. Help. For free. In a cabin. Away from all of my other obligations so I could just focus on me and my needs.

The adversary DID NOT WANT ME TO GO! And oh my word, if it weren’t for my wonderful husband, I would not have made it. The couple of days before I was supposed to leave for the retreat, obstacles were popping up left and right. On Sunday (the day before I was supposed to leave), we were driving our Toyota Highlander to my in-laws home. Something was starting to smell and not long after we saw smoke swarming out from under our hood. Meh, I’m sure it’s nothing, right?? Thankfully, we have the best mechanic in the world so we gave him a call and he said to just leave it parked at the in-laws and he’d come take a look at it Monday morning. The car I was planning on driving myself to the retreat with was out of service. Awesome.

Come Monday morning, 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave for the retreat, I couldn’t find my breast pump ANYWHERE. I have a seven month old baby who is breastfeeding exclusively, so just not pumping for four days. . .not an option. I would have died, I am sure of it.

Then came the full blown break down.

I couldn’t get the fear of losing my milk supply out of my head! Oh, and the engorgement from not being able to pump or nurse for four days. . .like I said: certain death. And breast pumps are not cheap people. Not to mention I’d spent the last 40 minutes looking for it and it was now 10 min after I was supposed to leave. I didn’t even have time to go buy one now.

That’s it. I’m not going. It’s not even an option.

My sweet, sweet husband gently nudged me into the passenger seat (mid break down), loaded up the kids and drove me 2 hours to drop me off at the meeting spot for the retreat. On the way, we stopped at his sisters to borrow her pump. My ladies were incredibly grateful!

Why I’m glad I  (aka my husband) pushed through

My biggest take away from this retreat was hands down feeling understood for the first time ever when it came to sexual abuse. When you have trauma in your past, it’s something you struggle with on a daily basis in one way or another. I was surrounded by amazing women who understood that. They understood why I couldn’t “just get over it.” They understood the hurt and the anger. They understood the daily struggle of something that happened years ago. For the first time ever, I found individuals who didn’t hurt for me, but with me. And that just instantly connects you.

Group Therapy

They hold group therapy 2 of the four days and I was incredibly nervous about it. I had never been a part of a group therapy and to be quite frank, I assumed they just did groups because they didn’t have the time or therapists for individualized therapy. But after just one session, I realized that group therapy was incredibly. . .therapeutic. Huh. Like I said earlier, I had never felt so understood in my whole life. Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of people who have supported me and loved me through all of this but this was different. There’s just something different about sharing your hurt and having the people beside you, strangers even, cry and nod along with you because they have felt that same hurt. And to hear them share their stories and their pain and to know, for the first time ever, that you’re not alone. You’re not crazy.

Being pampered

They took suuuuuuuuch good care of each and every one of us. They spoiled us rotten. They had masseuses come two of the nights to give shoulder and neck massages. They gave every single one of us makeovers and then individual photo shoots. Every meal and snack and beverage and treat is prepared for you. I didn’t have to lift a finger to prepare any of my meals for 4 days. (That, my friends, is reason enough to go!) They showered us in gifts and in service.

The Food

The food was amazing. I promise you, you will not go hungry and if you do you only have yourself to blame. They made accommodations for anyone with special dietary needs or sensitivities. My favorite part was that I would load my plate to the brim each meal, eat it all and not feel an ounce of guilt. I didn’t know that was a thing! 😉 But they had delicious and incredibly healthy meals! Don’t worry, they also have plenty of snacks and desserts that were on the less healthy side. They have fridges (yes, plural) chock full of beverages, and baskets full of snacks available 24/7.

Your Choice

Now, another thing I loved about this retreat is that nothing, NOTHING, was mandatory.  All of the above was optional! You didn’t have to attend a single thing. You didn’t have to go to classes, you didn’t have to group therapy, etc. And if you chose to go, you didn’t have to say a word. You didn’t have to share, you didn’t have to interact. It’s all at your own pace! I loved and appreciated that. I never felt pressured to share or to attend anything.

100% FREE

Oh hey, did I not mention that yet? Just a minor detail. All of this is at no cost to you!!! All you have to do is get yourself (by plane or vehicle) to the designated meeting spot and you’re golden. There are no catches. The retreat is hosted by Younique which is a makeup. . .business. . . haha See! That’s how little I know about their business even after a four day retreat hosted by them! They don’t try to sell you anything, they don’t even use Younique makeup when they do the makeovers unless requested. Literally, no strings attached. They even offer a 12 week online class that starts the week after you leave so you can continue you’re healing journey.  Again, 100% free.

I also loved that I was able to try several different methods of therapy (Muay Thai, yoga, group therapy, drumming, etc) for free instead of jumping around paying hundreds of dollars just trying to figure out what was a good fit for me. I now know that I LOVE group therapy and could pass on Muah Thai and I didn’t spend a dime.

Life after the retreat

I don’t quite know how to explain it but I’ve felt a bit emotionally raw this last week.

Have you ever had a retreat hangover? I swear it’s a thing. Where you go to a retreat or a conference and you’re swallowed up into a bubble of  encouraging and uplifting information and you leave feel like you can conquer the world!! And then you come home, life gets busy instantly and. . you feel like doing one more load of laundry is going to be the end of you.

Now that I’m out of that bubble, the healing journey feels very scary to me. I know it’ll be good for me and that it’s what I want in the long run but I don’t know what I look like without the baggage of my past. I don’t know who I am without my hate. I’ve been holding onto it so tightly and it’s been mine for so long that I don’t know who I am without it. To let go of it leaves me feeling very vulnerable and raw. I’ve become comfortable with my hate and as much as I don’t want it, it’s even more scary to let it go.

I know it will get better and I know it will be worth it. I just have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. My mentor taught me that there is fear that kills and fear that grows. Whenever faced with something that scares me or makes me feel uncomfortable, I ask myself: “Is this a fear that will kill me or will it grow me?”

This will not kill me.

Much Love,

Robyn

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