Here’s the truth about having abuse in your past:
Simply put, it’s heavy. There are far too many days that feel impossible. Days that I can’t help but break down and cry because I feel like I’m beyond repair. I feel so shattered and screwed up that trying to do anything more than just survives feels pointless.
What’s the point of having goals when I don’t even have the motivation to make my kids breakfast? What’s the point of dreaming when it’s just a matter of time before I fall apart and can barely function again?
I hate it when I’m in this kind of emotional state. I hate it so much. And yet, at times, I hold onto it. I don’t want to let it go.
It’s a weird space to be in. I’m clinging to it desperately, not wanting to let it go, and yet I’m mad at the same time because I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I don’t want to be the mom who can’t do more than lay on the couch and sleep while her kids watch TV. I don’t want to be the friend who never calls back because it’s too hard to pretend to be okay around others. I don’t want to just survive.
I want to thrive.
I want to feel like I can do anything.
I want more than anything to feel unstoppable and on top of the world.
But that’s a pretty big leap. There’s a pretty big difference between barely surviving and feeling on top of the world. Trust me, I know. But there’s one thing I do that helps me make the leap every single time. And don’t worry, it’s incredibly simple. I know that when I’m in a bad place emotionally, everything feels too hard.
Except this one thing.
The #1 Thing That Helps Me Remember That I’m Not Broken is MUSIC
Yep. That’s it.
Now before you dismiss it as too simple, give me chance to share. Music has been such an influence for good in my life as I’ve been trying so desperately to heal and improve my day to day life. With just one song, I can go from feeling like I’m beyond repair to feeling like I can truly do anything I set my mind to.
Now, I’m not talking about just any music. I’m talking about what I like to call “Power Up” music. The kind of music that lights a fire in your soul! You know the kind I’m talking about. The kind that you listen to and as a result feel like you can do anything! This kind of music is powerful and a force for good. Pay close attention to lyrics though. There’s a difference between a good beat and good lyrics. The lyrics should inspire you, lift you up. You need lyrics that remind you of a simple truth that you have maybe forgotten. That you are powerful. That you are unstoppable. Don’t waste your time with anything that feels your head with crap and lies.
One of My All Time Favorites
One of my all time favorite songs is one that helps me remember that I’m worth fighting. Every now and again, life just gets me down and it feels too hard to fight anymore. It feels too hard to keep trying. When I’m feeling like this, my go to song is “Settle” by Jordan Smith. Do yourself a favor and click on the link. It’ll take you directly to the song and lyrics on YouTube and you can listen to the whole song for free. This is one of those songs that helps me cover that gap between where I am (barely surviving and hopeless) to where I want to be (fearless and ready to fight!).
This is one of those songs that brings me near tears every time I listen to it. Why? Because not only do the lyrics ring true to me, but they remind me of what I already know. They speak to me. I know that I’m worth fighting for, it’s just that sometimes I forget. Sometimes I need a reminder that I was born to fly. When I am feeling down in the dumps, that is the exact reminder I need.
When You’re Feeling Broken
When I’m feeling down in the dumps or like everything is too hard, I know that the fastest way out of it is to open up my Power Up playlist and hit shuffle. It’s incredibly dorky but if you want to take it even one step further, I imagine myself as little Mario (yes, as in Mario Kart) walking around feeling small. I feel vulnerable and like I’m only one moment away from GAME OVER. But there’s a simple fix. All I need is a mushroom and then I’ll be bigger than all of my problems! Well, the songs are like my mushrooms. When I listen to a power up song, it’s the same as little Mario finding a mushroom and turning into Super Mario! I get my “mushroom” and I power up! I feel bigger, I feel unstoppable and most importantly I feel like I can fight again. I’m Super Robyn and I am unstoppable! What else can do that in 3 minutes?
Find Some Mushrooms
My invitation to you is to start looking! What songs speak to you?? You’ll know them when you hear them. If you’re anything like me, you’ll begin to tear up, your chest will instantly swell, and you’ll feel like you just took a breath of fresh air. Look for the songs that remind you of your worth. That remind you of the truth you had forgotten. Then create a playlist specifically for these songs. My Power Up playlist only includes songs that have empowering lyrics and that make me feel better about myself and about life after listening to them.
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