I’m so happy you’ve found your way to my blog! I’ve put a lot of work and vulnerability into it but it’s all worth it to me if it means I can help you find the hope and the healing you’ve been looking for.

Here’s a little bit of my story:

6 years ago I finally worked up the courage to walk away from what I thought was just a very unhealthy relationship. I had packed up my things, moved it all to my new apartment, and broke the news to my boyfriend when he got home from work. The moment I walked out that door, I thought I was free. I thought that book was finally closed and behind me. Not only was it closed, but it was never to be opened again!

Little did I know, that was just chapter one.

Fast forward 6 years.

I haven’t seen or talked to him in over 5 years. In fact, I’m now married to an incredible man who treats me like a Queen and I’m a momma to two beautiful children. I’m living the picture perfect life. Yes, I have messy past but in the past is exactly where it’s going to stay.

And yet, despite my best efforts, my past keeps bubbling up. I’m still having nightmares about him on a weekly basis. Any time I drive by the apartment I shared with him or the parking lot where he would take me on his lunch break to have sex, I feel so much disgust and angst. When I see someone who looks even remotely like him, my stomach drops and I can barely function the rest of the day. I get anxious and scared when my husband kisses me flirtatiously because I’m afraid of where it could lead even though my husband has always been safe.

The more it bubbled up, the harder I pushed it down. I had beautiful landscaping over my broken and tattered past and I didn’t want anything potentially ruining that. In fact, I would get frustrated with myself. I would get annoyed that things still bothered me. It felt silly and ridiculous. It was in the past, I was safe now, I had nothing to worry about. I knew all of these things were true and yet I couldn’t “just get over it”.

All of these things piled up so much in my life that I could no longer ignore them. At least not without it hurting my marriage and my family. It wasn’t until this point that I was willing to accept that the abuse from my past was still very much a part of my life. I finally accepted that not talking about it and pretending it had never happened wasn’t working. Time does not heal all wounds.

I needed to try something else. It was time to finally face my past head on.

Since then, I have learned that it was so much more than an “unhealthy relationship”. I was in an abusive relationship with a very toxic person for two years and I had no idea. Not only that, but I had no idea that it was having a negative affect on my marriage, my children, and just about everything else in my life.

That’s not the life I wanted. That’s not the life I deserve.

Since deciding to face my past head on, the fog has started to clear. I’ve learned that it’s not my fault, that I’m not alone, and that things can be different! I had no idea what it was like not to be ashamed of my past or to hate myself for “letting” myself be put in that situation.

Because I’ve decide to face my demons I’m now a better wife, mother, sister and friend. All because I decided to start clearing out the crap my abuser put in my head while I was with him. And unfortunately, you can’t start cleaning up the garbage until you’re willing to acknowledge that it’s there.

That is the first step.

The second is to decide to take action and change your ending.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” -George Elliot

Those two years of my life where I never felt like I was enough or like I couldn’t do anything right was just chapter one. It’s now 100% up to me to choose what the rest of my life looks like and with this new found power, I’m going to do everything I can to make it a happy ending. That’s exactly what I hope to help you do too!

Much Love,

Robyn